I used to think the world should be fair, that we should give back to the people we received from. Not out of obligation exactly. But because I thought it was simply the right thing to do.
Then I became a mom.
It became immediately apparent that as much as I loved my son, he would never give back to me all the care and affection and worry that I gave to him. (But believe me, if he ever holds out his cupped hands for me to vomit in, I WILL call it even.) Because that’s simply not the way it works. Not the way it should work.
His birth did, however, inspire me to turn around and really look at all the things my mom had done for me throughout my life. Everything from shopping for groceries to wetting a washcloth when I was sick. My appreciation for her took on an entirely new dimension and depth.
This inequity happens outside the world of parenting as well. For example, several of my writer gal friends—namely Nancy Naigle, Adrienne Giordano, and Tracey Devlyn—have shared not only their knowledge but their resources, time, and unconditional love with me. Can I ever repay them individually for that? Probably not. So does that make our relationship awkward or strained?
No, because that cosmic imbalance is the way of the world. People invest in us, and we can’t return that investment one-for-one. But what we can do is pay it on to someone who’s coming up behind us or needs something only we can provide.
In a perfect world, we shouldn’t feel either guilty or beholden. We should just accept that help is less back-and-forth and more circle.
As we pass the three-month countdown for our CCI pup’s turn-in date (May 17), I’m trying hard to remember that all the time and love and attention we’ve given Pharaoh is a gift we agreed to freely give someone we’ve never met. May never meet. And we have to trust that the person who receives him as a service dog will give something powerful back to the world because he has this amazing dog by his side.
We have to remember that accepting someone’s help or a gift of the heart can often take more strength and self-understanding than giving does.
That sometimes receiving without the ability to truly reciprocate takes the most strength and courage.
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February is Library Lovers Month. Now that’s a month worth celebrating. Do you use your local library?
