My Masochistic Coffee Maker – Kelsey Browning

My Masochistic Coffee Maker

Last week, I promised you the scoop on how to make your Keurig (or other one-cup coffee maker) behave. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than stumbling upstairs at the butt crack of dawn to find the only thing your coffee maker produces is a gurgling death rattle.

Because of my anti-SLIderism, that death rattle happens to me way more often than I’d like. The Keurig-style coffee maker is an enigma with mysterious little goings-on in its interior. Even Tech Guy had a hard time figuring out the needles (that puncture the coffee pods) needed cleaning. I find it tricky to merely drain the water.

The last time the Keurig acted out, we searched online and discovered these coffee makers have a strange predilection for BDSM. So here’s how you get it to give you some…coffee:

First, tip the thing over in the sink and drain out any water you possible can. Then whack it—hard, don’t be a weenie–on the bottom a dozen times.

A little spanky-spanky and you’ll be rendezvousing with hot coffee in no time!

In honor of Cheese Doodle Day today, I dare you to pick up your favorite Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich and read only the parts about Rex. And if you don’t know who either Stephanie or Rex are…well…you damn well don’t deserve a cheese doodle!

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